Work or Life - Uncreating the Balance Myth
/First, I truly believe that work life balance is a total myth. I feel that your true passions (read: calling) will always lead you in one direction more than another. That doesn't always mean that everything must be running on 100% but your goals mostly dictate the way things fall in line for your life and, essentially, your daily schedule.
When people say work life balance, they either mean one of two things. Either they're speaking to a holistic idea of maintaining your relationships and not burning out doing all the activities “that come with working hard and chasing dreams”. The second option is discussing work life balance from the perspective of a microscopic look at your day. What does your day to day look like? Are your habits and activities lining up to your balance expectations? They break that down, in a 24-hour cycle and then it's a comparison of a percentage of working versus a percentage of, let's say, spending time with your children.
Now, overall, I think I maintain a pretty fair work life balance. I heard a senior executive in the business say “real estate isn't a isn't a job it's a lifestyle”. So, a good portion of my day obviously is devoted to work. Fortunately, I'm able to connect with my family and friends (I don't have children yet) on a reasonably frequent basis. Usually, a little nudge on Instagram/Facebook or a quick text or article will help me connect. I can’t give everyone everything but giving something shows effort.
My advice on work life balance is, or more specifically a way to create a better work life balance, is first use time blocking. Laura Scroggs, PhD candidate, defines time blocking “[as] a time management method that asks you to divide your day into blocks of time. Each block is dedicated to accomplishing a specific task, or group of tasks, and only those specific tasks.” Taking designated time and “sacred time” for very specific things and very specific activities, even if that activity is rest, is just literally blocking out time. That activity could be meditating, focusing on yourself or your mental well-being but it is scheduled and blocked for.
A portion of time that I take during the day is, I pray in the morning. During that time, I have an inner dialogue about what I'm grateful for. And then, and only then, do I begin my day. The rest of the day, which is primarily, like anybody else's I would suppose, made of work. I use time blocking to group activities to make my days easier and more productive.
Very early on in my career, I decided to forego Saturdays, so most Saturdays I'm working. I want to say probably 80% of the Saturdays since I was in my 30s were devoted to work. That was my sacrifice and that was my conscious choice. I did it not because the week piled in on me and spilled into Saturday. I just decided that I could calmly catch up, do creative work, and get ahead. My work week officially starts Sunday afternoon. For myself I have Friday night, I take it a little easy, work Saturday, then Saturday night is all mine. Sunday in the late afternoon/early evening I begin prepping for Monday.
Realizing that the “balance” portion of work life balance indicates that you have some fun. You have to feed your soul. Making space to do something creative or that one something that you really enjoy is life. I take that portion of time to do creative things. Presently I block out some time to write. Right now, it's writing nonfiction, self-help related and/or real estate articles. Its blocked time but not structured time. This could include browsing galleries or going to collect art, anything in that sphere that makes me happy. It doesn't necessarily offset the work time in a balance equation, but what it does is give me space to do what I love and to pursue passions. It’s “free time” but also still a commitment to be engaged and not just being on the couch absorbing Netflix.
I think work life balance is possible when the people in your life are also signed on to your version. If they're not, you have to have the conversations. If one step is time blocking then the second phase is signing on friends and family by teaching them your version of work life balance. Have the conversations that allow it to be easier for you to do what you enjoy doing and chasing your goals. If your spouse/significant other, friends and family are not signed on to your version of work life balance there will constantly be pulling and pushing. A lot of tension that follows you, that pushes you marginally off course or causes stress is inevitable. During your day that will eat away at your progress or just as easily eat away at you at your thought process and mental health.
And then the third and probably most important step would be to not feel guilty. Don't feel guilty for chasing your dream! Do not feel guilty for spending a lot less time with your friends, family or children. Do not feel guilty if it's a choice you make, it is a choice you make.
Saying that, meaning there's kids who have turned out great, who didn't have their parents there 24/7. There are also children that turned out great, that did have their parents there 24/7. It's something that, over time, if you're loving in your interactions and your focus, then you devote certain portions of time to your relationships. They'll flourish, regardless of your work ethic and your time spent, grinding it out, so don't feel guilty. Don't feel guilty because you think that it should appear another way or you are basing it on a misconception of quantity over quality and appearances. It's unique to every situation. So just continue to be honest, to set aside dedicated time for the people in your life. Continue passionately chasing your dream because what affects the relationships negatively is you having an unfulfilled life, and then placing blame on those other people.
What would be much more of a detriment to your overall mental health and well-being, is to harbor resentment or to begin picking fights. What creates difficulty is the person asking too much of your time or you feel they're impeding the chase for glory because standards were not set clearly, gently and initially.
I am obviously not the most balanced of work life, myself, but I realized very early on that it's a myth. You can have it all. You can have it all and all on your own terms. That's completely possible. But if you try to appease everyone and make everything balance out, the mathematical term for that is average.
I'll leave you with that note…GR
“You don’t find balance, you create it.” – Tim Grover, Author, Former Trainer to Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade